Wow! Have Things Changed!

I decided to log in and see if anything has changed on Blogger in the last 4 years, and, while nothing has really changed with Blogger, I have certainly have changed! I had to completely re-write my profile information as all that stuff was a depiction of the "old" me, before my personal relationship with Christ. About a year after my last post, on 16 June 2012, I bowed my head, confessed my sin, and asked the Lord to come into my heart and save my soul from hell. This happened at my kitchen table. From Sunday, 17 June 2012, on I have been attending Madison Baptist Church and have been growing in the Lord. Ashlyn and I started going every Sunday morning. John would attend when his work schedule at Publix permitted at first. The church met Sunday evenings and Wednesdays, but we didn't attend those meetings. The church had a Vacation Bible School/Missions Conference we did not attend in July of that year. It was a difficult time in that while I was saved and growing in the Lord, John was not saved and didn't want anything to do with changing his life. From June to October, it was pretty difficult. I was being convicted of a lot of things in our lives, but felt "trapped" because my husband had no desire to change anything. In October of 2012, our church had its annual Revival Meeting. Revival is a week-long meeting in which an evangelist will come in and preach every night from Sunday to Friday. That year, Brother Ron Comfort preached. I was new to all of this and had never heard of the man, but other members of the church had told me that he was a Catholic before he was saved. There was one night during the Revival that Brother Comfort would give his testimony. I asked John to attend that one night, at least. I think he was going to give the testimony on that Thursday, but John attended the Monday meeting, on 22 October 2012. Brother Comfort preached about logic and the Bible. It convicted John's heart and he went forward at the invitation and was saved. It was such an answer to prayer! I was adopted into God's family on 16 June 2012, but did not follow the Lord in Believer's Baptism until 9 September 2012. John was baptized on 2 December 2012. Since then, there have been a number of wonderful changes in our lives as we begun to yield to the Holy Spirit. The hardest part of this is that we, John and I, are growing at different paces and are convicted about different things at separate times. However, eventually, we both stopped listening to non-God-honoring music. We stopped watching "R" rated movies/TV Shows. We have nightly family devotions. We use the Bible as our foundation as to how to live and how to raise our children. Our marriage has improved greatly. I am learning to be the submissive partner as per God's design. John is learning to be a good leader for our family. Our lives are not perfect and mistakes are made. The difference is that we can go to our Father and ask for forgiveness and help. Being humble in all aspects of our lives is the hardest thing, I believe. Pride is a sin that will make me fall every single time. I work on it though. Each time I obediently apologize to my children for getting angry or to my husband for being insubordinate, I'm learning to be humble. Currently, we're working on selling our home in the effort to downsize. I want to be a full-time housewife. I make more financially than my husband. There is nothing biblically incorrect about that, but I have a hard time letting go of the fact that I make more. I want him to be the breadwinner, not me. I want him to be the one who is financially responsible for our family, not me. This is a complete 180 from what I wanted just a short 5 years ago. We live in a great home, in a great neighborhood, but it comes at a price that I don't want to pay anymore. I have someone else raising my child three days a week. She will be starting school in 8 short months. I want to be there for class projects and class trips. I want to be the person who raises my son. This has been in the works for almost a year now. Actually, my heart was aching to just be home since my daughter was born, but I didn't admit that until about two years ago. Then, I had to talk to John about my 180 change in heart and it took a while for him to get on board with the idea. We finally put the house up for sale in February 2015. We haven't gotten more than a few a lookers. We're in the process of upgrading some items and pray that it will sell quickly after those are completed. Our daughter is now 5 and we welcomed our son, Levi Elias, on 22 July 2015. I praise the Lord for each day I have to be their mother. The next minute is not guaranteed and I try not to take any time I have with them for granted. As I said earlier, I am not a perfect mother or wife, and I know that my children (and husband) have already suffered through my mistakes, but I pray for God to help me be a better wife and mother every day. As our Pastor keeps reminding us, we get one shot to raise our children. The ambitions I had for career and money were replaced with wanting to serve the Lord as a wife, a mother, and as a member of our local church.

Family Day!

After posting yesterday's plans, my Aunt Sharon called and let me know that lunch was moved up to 11am and that they were taking my Uncle Scott and Aunt Melinda to the Limestone Flea Market. If Ashlyn and I wanted to join them, we were more than welcome. Unfortunately, we wouldn't be swimming because Chris and Tara's little one came down with heat exhaustion and needed to stay cool, rehydrate, and rest. Ashlyn and I still made a trip to Walmart and purchased a sun hat for her, but we didn't stick around to warm chatter. Instead, we went and met my aunts and uncles at the Limestone Flea Market. By the time we arrived, it was almost time to leave for lunch.

After lunch, we went to Teresa and Russell's and spent the afternoon and evening visiting. Poor Ashlyn didn't get much rest yesterday at all and it was obvious her little ears were bothering her. She didn't want to eat much either.

Though I didn't warm chatter at all, my Aunt Melinda made a purchase. She likes the Mary Kay Cologne, so she purchased Simply Cotton and the limited edition Purple Nail Lacquer. I will be bringing her order to her when we come to Arkansas this coming weekend! After we returned home, I received a call from another customer wanting a re-fill order of her cleanser. Not too shabby for not "working" yesterday!

Tonight, I look forward to calling and reminding the three people who gave me their contact information about the Choco-Licious event tomorrow! It's exciting to hope that they'll not only attend, but brings friends with them! We shall see! I already sent the woman I stopped in the parking lot a text, but I didn't get a response back. Hopefully, she'll answer when I call!

Success in Warm Chattering

Yesterday, I took Ashlyn to buy her some clothing. Ashlyn attracted a lot of attention and I took the opportunity to invite the applicable people to our Choco-licious Event on Tuesday! I successfully obtained three new names, but gave the invitation out to a total of six people (including the three who gave me their contact information). I do realize I essentially gave those remaining three invitations away and most likely will not hear from those people at all. However, the trip felt really successful due to the fact that I smiled at everyone and spoke to anyone who smiled back (even if it was to wish them a good day). That is leaps and bounds further than what I used to do. It felt good! I did feel awkward stopping people and just talking to them (something to work on), but I'm getting better!

Now, the real exciting thing would be if I can get the three names I did write down to show up on Tuesday AND bring friends! What an awesome night that will be!!

Today, Uncle Scott and Aunt Melinda are in town. Ashlyn and I are meeting them and my cousins for lunch and then we'll go swimming. After laundry is done, Ashlyn and I are going back to WalMart to get her a hat. I plan to try and obain another name or two! I'm on a roll and I'm going to ride it as long as I can!

I almost have enough Mary Kay funds to get myself to Seminar!!!

The Meaning of Friends

This is my second attempt at posting this. I am really bummed to say that the first try was interrupted with an “error” and my whole hour worth of thought and work was lost. *SIGH*

My last post was about the birth-day of my baby girl. Ashlyn is now 8-month’s old. Obviously, it has been quite a while since my last post. I wish I could honestly say that all my “blogging” time has been distributed between working at Booz Allen, working my Mary Kay business, being a mother, a dutiful Board Member, etc., but I can’t. A lot of my free time has been sucked in to watching too much TV. I’m not completely sure where the motivation to blog tonight has come from (especially since losing all one’s work is a huge de-motivator), but I’m glad I have it. I started by editing the look and feel of my blog and making some changes to the settings. I’ve deactivated the feature which sends alerts to friends and family that I’ve made a new post. This is so I can be assured that if you’re reading this, and you make a comment, it is because you truly want to and not because you feel some sort of obligation to. This statement is a perfect segment to the thought that prompted me to start this up again.

I miss having a good, solid friendship. I can remember when I had a friend I felt I could call at any time and not feel like I might bother them. I remember spending all day at school with my grade-school and high-school best friends and then spend the better part of the evening gabbing with them on the phone. I honestly do not have that type of relationship with anyone in my adult life. I miss it. This thought prompted me in to thinking about why. Am I a bad friend? Am I incapable of this type of friendship? Most of the friendships I’m describing dissolved largely due to something I did or said. I’ve made some grave mistakes in my past. I believe that those mistakes were prompted a subconscious need to self-sabotage. It’s just one of the “symptoms” left over from my abused past. That frightened child inside me is still trying to protect herself from being too vulnerable. I am not making excuses. I take full responsibility for my part in the broken relationships. However, this thought of subconscious self-sabotage really does speak to me. It feels true to my core. It’s also something that needs to be confronted and dealt with. I want meaningful friendships again.

I believe this is one of the more subtle reasons I joined the Mary Kay Sales force. I saw a challenging opportunity to improve my social skills. The obvious reason was the extra cash (and the fabulous products, of course). When I think about which relationships I’d like to spend time nurturing, my thoughts turn, mostly, to my Mary Kay family of women. I have a couple of people outside Mary Kay, but the largest opportunity is within Mary Kay. My sister is another person with whom I wish I had this type of friendship with. It’s harder when you’re family, but you have only known one another for a few years. We grew up in two totally different homes, with different beliefs, and different ways of life.

I wish to use this blog as a showcase of my successes and my failures with this “self-help” journey. I appreciate any comments anyone may have on this subject.

The Stork Arrived on 2 October 2010!

Our sweet daughter decided to make her debut two weeks early! At 8:30am on Saturday, 2 October, I was awakened by the feeling of a steady trickle on my leg. I sat up and that steady trickle became a little more than a trickle. It was quite hilarious because I ran to the bathroom and then asked John to please give me his assessment on this mysterious liquid that was coming from me. We had taken the birthing class, so we knew that when one's water breaks, it can come as a "gush" or just a trickle. We also knew to check for odor, color, and amount. We were in such shock that our child may be coming that day that we really were thrown for a loop and just looked at one another trying to assess what we needed to do! Finally, I asked John to call the hospital for some guidance while I tried to clean myself up and get dressed. We were told to come in right away and get looked at. By 9am, we were in the waiting room. By 9:30, a nurse had me hooked up to the monitors to see if there were contractions and to see how the baby was doing. She also took a sample of the fluid to see if it really was caused by my water breaking. By 10am, we were texting/calling people and letting them know that we were going to be parents within the next 25 hours! This was REALLY happening!!

At this point, I was only 1cm dilated and 60% affased. John was sent home to pack a bag...yes, we were caught unprepared. While he was gone, I had my IV placed and pitocin was set on the lowest level to get my labor going. At this point, I wasn't feeling anything and since my water broke on its own it becomes important to give birth within a certain timeframe. That little bit of pitocin was all I needed because within a couple hours, I was dilated to 4cm. My plan was to birth my child without an epidural. I did accept an IV drug which took some of the edge. I was told that once I got to 8cm, I would not be able to get further doses, but I was allowed to get the drug every two hours up to that point.

At about 4:30, I was at 6cm and my Aunt and Uncle arrived. At this time, John and I discovered that he forgot to grab our camera. They were gracious enough to run to our house and pick it up for us. Things began to get a little crazy at this point. I was using a "birthing" ball to help relieve some of the pressure I felt with each contraction. This also assisted moving the baby further down. When the nurse came to check me again, I was at 8cm and she was calling the doctor. I began worrying my Aunt and Uncle wouldn't make it back with our camera in time. I knew that by 7 or 8 that evening, we would be parents. However, we had another surprise...

The doctor arrived at about 5:15pm. She checked me and notified me that I was at 10cm, but there was an issue. She felt a foot or a hand. Things bagan moving really quickly at this point. An ultrasound machine was brought in and I was told to resist all urges to push! No epidural and every nerve in my body was signaling me to push. This was harder than breathing through any other contraction! Sure enough, my daughter decided to flip around and stick her butt in the opening she helped create by breaking my water (already showing us who is boss). I was a little emotional about having to go through a c-section after making it to 10cm without an epidural, but having a healthy/unharmed child was way more important to me. When the breech discovery was made, my Aunt and Uncle had arrived with our camera. John grabbed it while my urinary catheter was being placed and the anesthesiologist introduced himself. I was asked a few questions about my medical history...while trying to breathe through the pain and prevent my body from doing what it wanted to do (PUSH)! I was then rolling my way to the OR. John was asked to gown up for surgery. In the OR, I was told that if I could hold off pushing (and prevent the baby from coming any closer to being born) I could be awake for the c-section. Also, I was told that I have a better chance of having a "v-back" (vaginal birth) for the next child if I didn't have to be completely knocked out for the c-section. I fought for that. The anesthesiologist prepped my back during a contraction. Then, I hear him say "uh-oh...we have to start all over". Another two contractions later and I'm completely numb. John was by my side soon after that and our baby was being cut out of me.

At 5:45pm, Ashlyn Skye Fields was born. She was 6 pounds, 6 ounces, and 19 inches long.

New Adventures

I'm going to force myself to break out of my comfort zone a little by embarking on a new entrepreneurial adventure. I am about to sign up to be a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant! I went to a seminar on Saturday; then I was invited to a meeting on Monday. I love the positive vibe from this group of women. I love that they start each meeting off with an affirmation. Of course, I love the chance to make a little extra income and to earn prizes and regular recognition for accomplishments.

However, please don't worry that I'm going to be knocking down your door to buy products from me. If you live in the area, I may ask you to attend my debut party without an obligation to buy. I just would like your support. If you're not in the area and you're interested in looking at a catalog, would like information, or already know you would like to purchase something from me, please let me know. I am to meet with the local director tomorrow, so I should have some more information after that meeting. I'll have my own website and business cards as well.

More to come on this later!

4th of July Weekend 2010

This year's 4th of July was really great! I kicked off the weekend with "Work-a-holics Day" at work. Our diversity group challenged us to not work for an hour during the Friday before the weekend. We gathered in a conference room, where we had to set our phones on a cabinet, ate ice cream and cookies, and looked at one of my colleague's photos on her computer. We were supposed to watch an episode of "The Office" but due to copyright laws, we were forbidden. We kicked off the gathering with each of us having to stand up, state our name, and declare that we're a work-a-holic. Well, when it came to be my turn, I declared I was an alcoholic. I don't think I'll ever live that down. It was pretty funny to be the only pregnant woman in the room and to have said that...on accident. It got everyone to laugh. Ironically, the next stop for the day was another colleague's Margarita Party!

Tom Adams tried to kick off an annual margarita party two years ago. The first annual party (for which I was not yet in Huntsville) went well. The second one, however, was pushed to what should have been the third annual margarita party. Due to massive proposal writing occurring this time last year, he was forced to call this year's party the Second Annual, Second Annual Margarita Party. There was a lot of laughter and good cheer. It was a great kick-off to the weekend! For inquiring minds, I did not partake in the alcohol consumption (regardless of my embarrassing declaration at "Work-a-holics Day" earlier) but kept to water and Sprite.

On Saturday, John had to work in the morning. We were expecting my sister and two of her children later that afternoon, so I spent the morning doing laundry and getting their room ready for them. John did the shopping for our contribution to the Family 4th of July BBQ we were hosting at our house the next day. My sister arrived around 4:30 in the afternoon. We went to eat at Casa Blanca, watched that week's "So You Think You Can Dance?", and visited a while before retiring for the night.

John and I woke up and began preparing breakfast for everyone around 7am on Sunday. We were expecting my Aunt and Uncle (and their grill) at about 11am. We got everyone fed and the kitchen cleaned up in time to relax and chat some more before people began showing up. John and my Uncle Dennis started BBQ-ing the hamburgers and hot dogs shortly after 11. By the time my cousins, Teresa and Chris, and their respective families came in, the food was ready! We ate and visited. The children played all afternoon long. My Aunt and Uncle left first. They were making homemade ice cream for us at their campground in Decatur. Teresa, Russell, and their children left not long after them. It had been years since my sister had seen our cousin Chris, so they chatted for a while longer at the house. We all left Madison at about 4 in the afternoon (John had to work), for Decatur. We had ice cream and pie at the campground and watched the kids play on the play set right across from the RV. We all left Decatur around 8pm and my sister, her children, and I headed back to Huntsville to watch fireworks at Bridge Street. It was a long, tiring, yet very fun day!

On Monday, we fed my sister and the kids before they headed back to Georgia. John and I spent the day doing chores and shopping with the gift cards we received from our generous house warming guests. A very enjoyable weekend!